Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Sitting within, my heart grows

Sitting within, my heart grows,
With tenderness and care,
On mother earth, free from all crows,
Aloof from sadness and despair.

With tenderness and care,
I’m free of all sorrow,
Aloof from sadness and despair,
With age, that time will borrow.

I’m free of all sorrow,
Happy that wisdom is growing
With age, that time will borrow.
Feeling like an orange sunrise slowly ascending, I’m proudly maturing.

Happy that wisdom is growing,
On mother earth, free from all crows,
Feeling like an orange sunrise slowly ascending, I’m proudly maturing.

Sitting within, my heart grows.

2 comments:

Edwin Garcia said...

Great job with the pantoum format, the lines really flow together nicely. I easily picked out the grows, crows, borrow, sorrow, etc. sound pattern. One tip I would give is that with this kind of poem to not use the punctuation to avoid end-stops. Enjambment would help this poem flow more consistently. Also the orange sunset line was a great metaphor and at the same time created distinct imagery.

Tiffany Robinson said...

I really enjoyed your poem! The words flowed very nicely. It was easy to feel the happiness that you were talking about! I agree the orange sunset showed great imagery! good job!