Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The Crush

Buried in love growing
Nourishment the liquid of tears
The green sprout my grave marker
Shrouded in a cloak of mist

Nourishment the liquid of tears
Desire the monument of love
Shrouded in a cloak of mist
My secret passion planted

Desire the monument of love
A tree to my veiled heart
My secret passion planted
Lost in the ground forever

Buried in love growing
A tree to my veiled heart
Lost in the ground forever
The green sprout my grave marker

3 comments:

Tina said...

I really like how you encircled the poem playing with the pantoum poem. This poem is beautiful in its heartbreaking sadness.

Edwin Garcia said...

Nice job. Your lines flow nicely with the pantoum format. I can see that some of the lines are enjambed and it works well. With the gloomy sadness of the poem, the "green sprout" adds an image of a bright green plant sprouting at the grave. Great job overall.

Ian Schrader said...

Wow. I was glad to see another pantoum peom. I also tried this style with less success then you have accomplished here. This is masterpiece in my unqualified opinion. The image extracted from this writing was impactful. Very clear as to the description and the lack of line endings really pushed me through the peom. I must admit, the pace was a rough change for me in reading words that I wanted to fully understand but that helped to create the image, I think, you wanted to pass along. while attempting to determine the meaning I was forced to read the next before fully understanding the previous lines meaning. A little tough for me to explain but the main premise I wish to pass along is that this was a great poem and all aspects worked in unison to create the image. If any one thing were to be different the quality would have suffered. This is clearly not the case. Your effort is evident and you peom reflects plenty of thought.

Great Job!!! :)