Thursday, June 4, 2009

With a reason, and a baseball bat, I will...

Cold, left for dead,
lying in a ditch
I watched her body
there as it twitched
All I wanted to do
was to scare________
Shit got out of control I swear!
She should have seen
how this affected me
My friends all think that
I have gone crazy
But not for long
It’s been too long
My mind is lost
out into the sea
Orange and green boats are sinking
and that’s okay with me
The sharks come closer
She’s coming over...


Kara Caviness said...

I like that you didn't you end stop with your poem. It made me pay attention to each line and the emphasize I believe you were trying to convey. I got a clear picture of emotion.

Kara Caviness said...

.... I wouldn't have minded some imagery to help me visualize along the way. But then, that may have taken away from the emotions. Sometimes less is more I'm learning in this class.

Paul said...

When I look at the picture there is a very bleak feeling about the landscape. Your poem definitely had a very visceral feel to it. It had me wondering about the context. If this was imagery about the desolation in the picture or a story of human conflict. Either way I believe the bleakness of your poem was a good portrayal of the painting.