Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Not really there. It may look
as though there is some to be seen, but there is
nothing. This scene is as empty as the pockets of
nomadics. The people are devoid of any substance. The
nitrogen seeking vegetation grows through them. For
no one can See. There eyes are open but their minds
are closed. Seeing has more depth than the shallow pool to toss
nickels into. People have the
need to see and be seen as more than obvious. There's more than
nails painted black to match the color of death. People are in dire
need to gain some substance. Fill there lives with appreciation
that everyday there is something to do and to learn. There's more
than the "OMG! There's a huge gold sale at Macy's! G2G Girls!"


Kara Caviness said...

I liked that you are trying to use enjambment. Some lines did take on a life on their own and others I didn't feel as strongly about. That may have been your point. I'm still trying to grasp this technique:) I loved how you ended your poem, it shed light in an otherwise dark scene.

Jordan Dee said...

Great use of similies to create imagery "as empty as the pockets of nomadics." I also felt that your line breaks were perfectly placed and really strengthened the poem. The ending of the poem threw me off though. It stood so strong, but the last sentence seemed (for me) to have popped out from nowhere. I see what you are describing, but I'm not sure that was the best way to put it. Everything flowed so nicely and had me hooked until that last line I thought, "huh?" It may be personal preference though, too. Overall great job Becky!