Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Life surrounds us

Life surrounds us, from every corner
As we lay here unknowing
We give our hearts and souls
To free our minds from entanglement

As we lay here unknowing
A path is found
To free our minds from entanglement
Our carelessness can devour

A path is found
Thankful now, we all shall be
Our carelessness can devour
Like glowing orange lava sounds Vulcan’s fury

Life surrounds us, from every corner
Thankful now, we all shall be
Like glowing orange lava sounds Vulcan’s fury
We give our hearts and souls

2 comments:

Mina Eskander said...

Hey Ed, great poem man, first I want to say that you did a great job with rhyming your words. My favorite part in your writing was this line, "Like glowing orange lava sounds Vulcan’s fury.." I thought this line was very clever and the imagery was clear in my mind. In terms of line breaks, because this is a Pantoum, I thought that line breaks were very necessary. You applied them well with each line, I did not see any enjamblement. Like you say, "A path is found," and that just makes me want to go on reading, like what path are you talking about, so I think you applied them well. good job over all.

Samantha Thornton said...

Great job on the pantoum poem. Your line breaks work great with the flow of the poem. It's really interesting how your lines change meaning when you read them next in a new stanza. I love the imagery, especially with the line "To free our minds from entaglement."