Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Dinner Date

A jewel of a fruit smashed on a black tire
A tower of biscuits fall into the fire
Take a load off your mind
Give my jacket to the man over there
Wipe your feet at the door and jump higher
With technology on the menu
Fully mature, serve now, turn off the light
Candle wax dripping on the piano keys
A bouquet of shoestrings tied with scarlet ribbon
Visions of sugar plums dance in our minds
Flavor second to none and a glass of wine
The smell of leather gives me the chills
Sugar and spice and everything covered with flies
Open the door and call to the moon
Balancing life and passion with blueberry pie


Kara Caviness said...

This is perfect. Every line tells it's own story yet tie together to put this erotic scene in my mind. It makes me wonder where you got your story line. Also, were you trying to follow a set rhyming method? I noticed you have an end rhyme in the beginning, the middle and the end. I like it, when you read it aloud you catch it easier then if your reading it to yourself.

Ashley Bontrager said...

First of all, the way you ended the poem was fantastic! "Balancing life and passion with blueberry pie." I've been sitting at my computer for 10 minutes reading that line over and over. I love it. You also have nice word flow. The images you chose create a really vivid picture in the readers mind, from candle ways and shoestrings and sugar plums. The way you connect some of the random objects into one poem is very well done.

Mina Eskander said...

Hey Ed, very nice poem man. I believe this is exactly what she wanted. You have great imagery and it really makes the ready think through as they are reading. The randomness of the sentences bring more of a spice to this poem. I liked candle wax dripping on the piano, very clever line. I definitely noticed an improvement in your writing from when we first started, so this is very good progress. Great work man, keep it up.

Jordan Dee said...

Very well done! You did such a great job at abandoning logic and yet it still seemed to flow nicely. The rhyming really encouraged the flow. You also did a really good job recreating all five senses. I can feel the candle wax, taste the flavor, smell the leather, then blueberry pie...wow.