Sunday, June 7, 2009

Death to Life

In the rocky desert its always cold.
Barren of life and
Beauty, until she comes.

The brow upon her face is bold.
A scornful look, as she
murders the desolation.

From her body the signs of life unfold.
Her bosom the catalyst for
change, slaying the emptiness.

The story of her magnificence is told.
Her love for thee eternal, she
is the mother of us all.

Her gift to us more valuable than gold.
The black hole of death replaced
by a white dove of peace.


Caitlyn said...

I loved your poem. I understand what your interpretation of the painting is. Just reading your piece gave me a clear picture of the woman in the painting and what she may be thinking. I enjoyed the last line because for me, it sort of contrasted the rest of your lines. You use words like murder and scornful and yet the last line is about a white dove of peace. I thought that contrast really gave the poem a lot of depth and a more intense meaning.

Samantha Thornton said...

I like how the first line of each stanza rhymes. I'm really drawn by these first lines too because they are end stopped. I like that these sentences are complete and don't leave me tense or wondering. They give me a break from the second lines that you enjambed which add tension and wonder to what the next line will bring.

Tony Lamb said...


Kudos! Obviously I am fascinated by the way life and death (and images thereof) intersect with one another when one is paying attention. I am particularly impressed with the juxtaposition of the first and last stanzas and the way you have given us almost a novella in this piece. I hope this is only the beginning of your body of work. You have much to say and the language with which to say it.

Ian Schrader said...

Bravo, The piece had a great tempo to it and I thought the commonality of the "old" sound at the end of the first line in the respective stanzes helped to create the fluidity of its tempo. The image i withdrew from the reading was profound and clear. The three line stanzes contributed to the pace of the poem, with the completion of each statement i found myself rushing to get to the next line. The first three stanzes lead me to believe that she was venomous in her image but the last two went in another direction that gave me clarity as to the image she represented. I thought that the ending with the white dove of peace replacing the black hole closed this work out very proudly. Nice Work!

Jordan Dee said...
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Jordan Dee said...

I love your use of imagery. "The brow upon her face is bold" paints a perfect picture in my head of the woman in the painting. I think my favorite, "Her bosom the catalyst for change, slaying the emptiness." Great use of vocabulary! I don't think there could have been a more perfect verb to use instead of "slaying." I found your line breaks to be strong. I'm not sure how I feel about the second line ending with "and." It felt a little awkward. Other than that one word, everything flowed so nicely. Job well done Paul!