Wednesday, June 17, 2009


White face black hands,Tick.
Tock. Spinning, swirling, down,
ground, hot, burning, flames,Tock.
No, fly, higher, sky, white, peace,
please, fight, struggle, need, farther,Tick.
Going, going. Tock. Breath, deep, dig, in, must. Tick.
Almost, bright, light, see, soon, battle won,Tock.
Dark, fade, loom, no more,amens made, soul,yours, never.
Mine, survive, today,tommorrow, give in, again,never.
Tick, tock.
What the hell is that noise?
Babe, hit the snooze, just one more time.
Man, I had this aweful dream...
I'll tell you about it later, if Iremember.
...There was a clock... I was fighting... flying...


Becky said...

I really like how staccato your words are. Everything is so short and punched that it sounds like one of those conversations you can have with a friend who almost knows you better than you know yourself. I also really like the word groupings that you have. As soon as something starts to almost make sense you switch it up and throw a wrench into the mechanics, I love it. What I really love is the ending, where it all turns out to be a dream. I feel like every one can relate to the ending conversation that brings the whole poem to a close. It makes me feel like I just woke up.

Tina said...

I agree with Becky, it really feels like you just woke up. I like how you were able to describe how are dreams are bits and pieces never really anything comprehensive especially when the alarm clock keeps going off.

Becky H said...

While reading your post, I was intrigued by the randomness of the words and I could imagine myself being there in the dream, not realizing it was a dream until the end which amused me and made me laugh. You did a good job breaking the lines and made it clear to understand as I read.
Good Job :)