Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Stormy Night

Black rain on a stormy night
falls from the moonlit sky
thunder rumbles from
the pit of his stomach as
lightning passes by.

Overhead, neon signs glisten
red, orange, and pink
enticing him to listen to
the footsteps following him in sinc.

Be it man or woman
he does not care
follow me in
if you dare

With a shake of his coat
rain falls to the floor
as he takes a seat
close to the door

Throw some eggs in that
black iron skillet
coffee with cream to the rim
you can fill it.

3 comments:

Samantha Thornton said...

Tina, I really liked your poem. The line breaks worked great with the rhyming scheme you have. I like the imagery in this poem. This poem has such an abrupt ending, if given the room, I'm sure you could almost write a book if you were to continue on. I'd definitely like to hear more of the story. Until the last stanza, I was thinking this poem was about a man going to a run down motel, but then the last stanza made it seem that he was just going into a restaurant. I loved the whole thing! Great job.

Ian Schrader said...

I looked at some of your other work and I think all of it has been high in quality, (on word paint) I this one because it represents you developing because this has been the best of your three, in my opinion. I thought the tempo and rhythm of the poem was magnificent. This is truly a great job. I thought the rhymes flowed beautifully and the image was very clear. I really liked the way the ending sort of suspends my thoughts because it has a sort of unfinished feel to me. I really liked that aspect even if it was not your intention. I very nice job on this poem.

Paul said...

This poem just seemed to flow. I enjoyed how the beginning of the poem had me imagining driving down the freeway during a nasty storm and then ending on breakfast. Seemed out of place or illogical but it still fits in since his journey was over and who wouldn't want eggs and coffee after a drive like that! Good job!