Friday, May 22, 2009

I Wonder

I wonder what happened to them.
They wouldn’t have wanted us to be alone.
At least we found our red boxcar, to shelter us like they never did.
It gives us comfort to know that we can live together here.

Henry is off collecting water for me to cook with.
Pretty soon he will bellow that the bucket is too heavy for just him to carry.
He has a hard time admitting he can’t do things, but this is the one exception.
We’re lucky that he’s the oldest, and cares for us like the parents we never met.

Oh dear shy Violet is sitting near and staring off into the heavens.
She doesn’t seem part of this world, she’s more ethereal when she day dreams.
The breeze blows her blonde hair so that is sparkles like frost in the sunrise.
She keeps us all optimistic that life will only get better for us.

Wonderful little Benny is galloping toward Henry now like a horse.
He is always so happy and full of life, because he doesn’t understand what has happened.
He cannot fear because he’s still too young to ponder the possibilities of life for us.
Benny’s one task is to stay jolly and hopefully that joy will spread.

Me, I keep the family going, acting as Moms are supposed to, but I’m still a kid.
To me, saying “Jessie” is the same as saying “Mom” around here.
I don’t mind, but I wonder where they are.
Are they happy knowing we’re together, but we’re still all alone?


Jordan Dee said...

I feel that you really entered into the painting. You established an entire new setting, different from the romantic scene one might see from just glancing at the painting. I had to read over your poem though a few times before I really understood it. You did an excellent job creating a setting, but I did not feel an overwhelming amount of emotion. Your style left me with the feeling as if I had begun reading a short story, which I liked and look forward to reading more.

drew said...

I really appreciate refreshing and original perspectives, and I think it's safe to say that this poem provided the most refreshing and original perspective of the picture. Good job!

sallylynn said...

Becky ~

This is a really new and interesting take on the painting -- you've created a whole narrative world from a single image! Sort of like The Boxcar Children, but better. You've done a nice job of creating character through detail and image here, too -- Henry bellowing, Violet daydreaming, Benny galloping, and the speaker's "mothering" all serve to make the characters come to life. Keep working with these active verbs to create clear images! You might consider working with more of these images in order to get the reader even closer to the scene -- what do the speaker's hands look like? What is the landscape like? What does Henry's face do when he bellows? What is it that Violet does to make everyone hopeful? If you can work more with images, you'll lessen the need for "exposition" or "telling" the reader what they're like, and the reader will get to know them better through detail.

Great work, Becky!