tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7242991642154434734.post701512365308487747..comments2023-10-29T05:01:28.321-07:00Comments on Word Paint: I Wondersallylynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01257347406415098444noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7242991642154434734.post-79040706450975868292009-05-30T11:09:02.047-07:002009-05-30T11:09:02.047-07:00Becky ~
This is a really new and interesting take...Becky ~<br /><br />This is a really new and interesting take on the painting -- you've created a whole narrative world from a single image! Sort of like The Boxcar Children, but better. You've done a nice job of creating character through detail and image here, too -- Henry bellowing, Violet daydreaming, Benny galloping, and the speaker's "mothering" all serve to make the characters come to life. Keep working with these active verbs to create clear images! You might consider working with more of these images in order to get the reader even closer to the scene -- what do the speaker's hands look like? What is the landscape like? What does Henry's face do when he bellows? What is it that Violet does to make everyone hopeful? If you can work more with images, you'll lessen the need for "exposition" or "telling" the reader what they're like, and the reader will get to know them better through detail.<br /><br />Great work, Becky!sallylynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01257347406415098444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7242991642154434734.post-65162977380312359642009-05-25T17:48:33.988-07:002009-05-25T17:48:33.988-07:00I really appreciate refreshing and original perspe...I really appreciate refreshing and original perspectives, and I think it's safe to say that this poem provided the most refreshing and original perspective of the picture. Good job!drewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08629144345515415636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7242991642154434734.post-78602038650983329922009-05-25T14:35:39.903-07:002009-05-25T14:35:39.903-07:00I feel that you really entered into the painting. ...I feel that you really entered into the painting. You established an entire new setting, different from the romantic scene one might see from just glancing at the painting. I had to read over your poem though a few times before I really understood it. You did an excellent job creating a setting, but I did not feel an overwhelming amount of emotion. Your style left me with the feeling as if I had begun reading a short story, which I liked and look forward to reading more.Jordan Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03845400846702504607noreply@blogger.com