Friday, May 22, 2009

Secret Passion

Is it wrong of us to feel such passion?
Disguising it as though to have shame.
It should be understood
That our affection exists.
Are we a threat to those who can see,
Like a frost to newly bloomed petals.
Why must we contain this passion
For others to feel more comfort.
Standing in your red dress
I imagine the fire burning within.
This passion should bellow out
That their shame is not ours.
Only in this room can we express our feelings,
Dark and cramped with the emotion between us.
Feeling like a horse in small boxcar,
Wanting to rise and open the doors.
To display this passion proudly
Beyond the boundaries of this room.
Will we ever be able to express this,
To be freed from the cloak of this room.
For it is a shame for a passion like this
To remain a secret from the world


campbelk said...

Interestingly I found the structure of you poem to hold a very smooth rythmic flow. Each line embraced the one before and carried your feelings and thoughts of the painting very clearly. In particular, what really grabbed my intention was the line, "That their shame is not ours". I found myself picturing a gay couple, not ashamed of their relationship and fighting a battle within themselves as well with the onlookers to decide whether or not show their love for one another. Overall, really good job.

Edwin Garcia said...

Good job with the poem. I think that the context could be for any type of couple. Kind of like a Romeo and Juliet scenario, being two people who deeply want to be together but for some reason society does not accept their relationship. As I was reading, I felt that I was able to picture the setting easily.

sallylynn said...

Ian ~

The strongest parts of this poem are those that work with concrete images to convey the abstract emotion or the whole tenor of the relationship; the poem really begins to take off with the "frost to newly bloomed petals" line, as that creates a tangible, visceral way for the reader to enter the poem. The next lines with "red" and "fire" create a contrast to that "frost," and so build tension in the poem. The next metaphor, of the "dark and cramped" boxcar, also do a nice job of moving the reader into a further understanding of the relationship here. Keep thinking about how you can work further with these images and metaphors to allow them to carry the emotion of the poem, and how they could take the place of some of the "exposition" -- the "telling" the reader what it's about. The images are doing that work for you already -- keep allowing them to do it!

Good work here, Ian!