Friday, May 22, 2009


Oh to be a horse.
Free from your grasp.
Running from your stables.

Oh to be that flower
Popping through the frost covered ground.

I am screaming red.
Can you hear me through
My bellow?
Can you see me?
Do you want to?

Put me in that boxcar.
Send me far away.

Who are you?
Don’t you realize
How you’ve changed?

I don’t think I recognize your face anymore.


Kara Caviness said...

Your poem makes me want the rest of the story! I am intrigued at what the implications are. The simplicity had me focusing on the people instead of the moment. Who were they, what did they do, and what caused the change you talked about.

Tiffany Robinson said...

I agree with Kara! I loved your poem. I wanted to know more about the story too. I don't read much poetry besides Dr. suess :) to my kids but I really enjoyed this and it had such mysterious vibe. Nice job!

Paul said...

I agree with them! Maybe it is because it hits home on a personal note! If anything I wanted a glimpse into what had changed. Or even better a starting point of how they were when they were happy and what happened for that love to turn into a feeling of being trapped. As is though I still found myself filling in the blanks on my own! Good job

Ashley Bontrager said...

I have to agree with the others. You have wonderful imagery. The picture of a flower emerging from the ground was especially striking. This poem makes me want to know more about who this couple was before they grew apart. I also really liked the last line. Wonderful poem!

Samantha Thornton said...

I too agree with those above me. Your poem was simple, yet wonderful. You used so little words to describe so much. I wish I knew more about the background of those you are describing in this poem. Great job!

sallylynn said...

Caitlyn ~

This spare and pared down poem does a great job of leaving some mystery while also giving us some very vivid images to keep focused on. The "screaming red" moment is terrific -- a synesthetic moment! The flower coming up through the frost, the horse, and the boxcar sent far away all also work well to convey a sense of desire and distance in the speaker. The last line, which seems to come out of nowhere, is terrific, and does a great job of casting all of the other images that have appeared in the poem into a new light. Suddenly the horse, the flower, the scream, and the boxcar all take on a new dimension of sorrow, or loss, or frustration, with the addition of the last line. I'm not sure that you need those questions in the second to last stanza -- the last line seems more powerful to me and gets us to the same place. Keep thinking about how you might strengthen the images further, how you might create further specificity or clarity for the reader -- for example, what kind of flower is coming up? Is "popping" the verb that conveys the emotion best for this? What other "horse words" could you use to develop that first image -- "stable" is great, so what about "reins," "saddle," "bit in my mouth"?

Great work, Caitlyn! You have some really mysterious and excellent lines here!