Thursday, May 21, 2009


I am alone, going from one stop to the other.
my soul aches for my soul mate?

I go through life shattered at the thought of a meaningful relationship, going from one man to the next not knowing if it'll ever be right. I see red reliving the past.
So many dreams gone.

trying to forget, never fully committing.

I watch as the world swirls past me.
My world so small, stuck in this tiny boxcar space, I need room, air to breath, my own space
or so I thought for so many years.

Walking by a café realizing, that once had been a dream of mine ripped apart. I stop and stare blankly at the man next to me, yearning to see deep into him.

I saunter past to get out of the cold. The frost on the door handle snaps my attention of where I am and I bellow from the shock realizing it’s his touch...what is that sensation inside me?

I turn slowly sensing his warmth

he speaks, his words so warm and inviting. I find myself braced in his arms, anticipating his first touch, the past haunting me, the unknown of what’s to come, scared by these thought running through my head. Why so fast?

trying to fight the awkwardness I have never felt before. I realize deep inside the wanting, the need to feel the way I always imagined it was to be, wanting to be swept up and rode off into the sunset on a white horse just like the fairytale I remember as a kid.


Jordan Dee said...

I think a lot of people can relate to the emotion you expressed in your poem. The longing for a fairytale ending. I often find myself at the end of movies saying, "that is how things will work in my life." Through that though, as your poem expressed, we find ourselves doomed for failure. Job well done.

sallylynn said...

Becky ~

This is a really interesting poem that includes both narrative (story) elements and lyric (meditative/reflective) moments -- I'd love to see you keep moving back and forth between these different ways of writing to see which works best where. This poem seems to really take off with the line, "I watch as the world swirls past me," which has not only a lovely image but also great play with the sounds of the language ("watch," "world," "swirl"). The reflection on the "boxcar space" is a great lyric moment, and then the motion toward narrative that happens in the next stanza sustains the momentum of the poem and creates a new layer -- that of a new relationship happening despite the "cold" of the speaker.

As you keep writing and revising, keep your ear tuned to the sounds of the language, as you've already done here with some of the lines I've already mentioned. Keep working, too, with developing strong, fresh images to both reflect on and create the story -- the knight in shining armor, a familiar image, doesn't carry as much emotion or "weight" in the poem because it's become so familiar to readers over the years. What else could this person be? What other image would indicate this emotion?

Great work, Becky! Keep going.