Thursday, May 21, 2009


I’ve waited for this day for so long, too long.
Since the red roses that grow outside my bedroom window first budded.
Now they have withered away, decayed even as my passion lives, the frost ending their existence.

I felt your presence even when you were not here.
I would close my eyes and imagine you riding towards me bareback while your horse sped faster and faster.
I’d bellow from my window, I am here, I am yours, always.
Then your image would slowly fade as if I was watching a boxcar speed to a distant finish line.

Now that I have you in my arms I will never let you go.
Feeling the rhythm of our hearts beating as one is the only need I have.
Even with my eyes closed I am surrounded with you, your scent, your touch, your breath.

Is this real?
Am I still dreaming?
Do I dare lift the darkness and gaze into the eyes I’ve yearned for?

I’m too frightened; I could not bear if my mind was playing cruel tricks on me.
So in the dark I whisper your name and even as I do you call out mine.
If this is an illusion; if I have finally broken waiting for you, in this room surrounded with our past, so be it.

I’d rather be in the dark with you than surrounded in the light without you.


Becky said...

I really like the emotional closeness I get with your poem, especially when the voice is asking itself questions. They’re thoughts that almost everyone has thought at one point in their lives. I like how I can feel connected with the voice of the poem, how the voice could connect with anyone who is reading it, male or female because it’s not gendered. I also like the imagery that I get when I read it like the line about the boxcar. The only thing I would like to read is more imagery with the setting or nature. The first stanza is beautiful, but then you go into the voice of the poem’s mind and I don’t feel like you resurface. Maybe a stanza near the end with more setting would bring it more full circle to a complete finish.

sallylynn said...

Kara ~

This poem presents a rich emotional landscape -- there's quite a bit of sorrow, loss, fear, and love packed into it! Your strongest lines are those that either connect the emotions of the poem with the objects or landscape of the poem (the hope and sorrow connected to the roses out the window, or the desire and excitement connected to the bareback horse). When you have those concrete images and metaphors, those do a lot of the emotional work of the poem -- they carry the relationship (or lack thereof) and the speaker's emotions to the reader, and allow the reader to get closer to the experience of the poem. Keep developing these concrete images, and see how much they can do for the poem; some of the more abstract lines may fall away because they aren't as vivid for a reader as the image or sensory detail lines. The momentum in this poem is great, too, moving from hope to memory to fear and loss -- the dynamic movement keeps the reader engaged in the mystery of the speaker's situation.

Keep working, Kara -- great stuff here!