A john walks in shame.
A single name whispers from her mouth.
Into a darkened
Room desire strikes a match
With the flame
Now lit every inch of his tentacles
Wrapped around her
His weight crushing
Down she screams
A john walks in shame.
With maudlin eyes, a pain filled heart
Her white dove of peace walks in.
She whispers his name.
2 comments:
I like this poem because I really feel the sadness when I read it. The first line is striking because it gives the john a conscience, something not normally associated with them. I really like the metaphor with the match and flame as well, it helps visualize the scene taking place in the darkened room.
I like the mystery of the name she is whispering, I would like to hear more of what is going on with her.
I really enjoyed the repetition that you chose for your poem. I liked that you had a few rhyming words, but that they weren't found at the end of each line. The created this nice underlying cohesive stream of rhythm through your words. I also really like the line "a john walks in shame", now whether that has to do with your name being John, and this being very personal, I beg you please don't tell me. Instead I like to think that "john" is a metaphor for any and every man. The only thing I have to be critical about is that I wish there were a few more lines to the poem, it is completely swaddled in mystery that I don't feel like I have a firm grasp on any one thing and I wish that I could get that on at least one thing.
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